truth #23: less of me is better

Many of you know that shortly after arriving back in Texas on the 19th of December a surprising event occurred. Early in the morning of the 21st, I was in the hospital having an emergency laparoscopic appendectomy after a night full of the worst stomach pains I have had in my life. This event led to a lot of firsts in my life...

-being a patient in the ER
-having morphine
-wearing one of those airy hospital gowns for more than 30 min
-having surgery
-eating hospital food
-having to politely call someone to take me to the bathroom every 3 hours
-having a panic attack.. silly I know
-staying overnight in a hospital
-having saline solution pushed through my dry IV... OUCH
-being in public with my pant unbuttoned on purpose

It was a very interesting week before Christmas let me tell you! I passed that whole week under the influence of prescription drugs so my Christmas day was a little hazy. When people kept pointing out how often they caught me with my eyes closed, I just simply said "I'm awake! and just resting my eyes!" They didn't tend to believe me. My parents took great care of me and I will forever be grateful that they insisted that I go to the ER. So many friends and family have mentioned how good it was that the whole thing happened after I got back home instead of in Ecuador. That made me start to think about things a little more closely. I realized that if this had all happened 48 hours earlier, I would not have gone to the hospital, at least not until my appendix had burst. That could have been very dangerous and possibly deadly. And this whole thing happened at the beginning of my trip giving me two weeks to recover before I flew back. Also, Seth from OM Ecuador was back home in Georgia with Lennart and they were returning to Guayaquil on the same flight as me. Meaning that they helped me with my bags as I am under strict orders not to lift anything over 15 pounds.

I am two days from the three week mark and have only three more weeks of careful living until I go back to normal. I am doing much better and healing fine. This whole situation really helped me to see once again how God is orchestrating everything in my life even when I don't see it at first.  Thank you for your prayers as I know and see that God is answering them!

When I titled this post as 'less of me is better' I was just thinking in the sense that I am now better off without my appendix as it was giving me all that trouble.  However, this also ties into what God has been teaching me lately.  I have found my self very frustrated over the last few months with my own self, work and others.  I had been praying about the situations so much and it felt like so little was happening.  It wasn't until I was sitting in the airport on my way home and writing in my journal when I began to realize that my mindset was wrong and thus my prayers were also in a sense wrong.  I had been praying so hard for God to fix things, to give me the strength to fix things to do, and fix, and about every other active verb you can think of when the only thing that He desired for me to do was to look at Him, not at me and not at my problems.  It sounds so simple, just focus on Jesus and everything will work out.  But what does that mean, to focus on Jesus?  I am still figure that one out.  But I am learning as fast as this stubborn person can, that my job isn't to fix everything in life but to look to Him and He will show my in His time whatever it is that He wants me to work on.  It isn't and easy thing for me to learn and I am spending everyday seeking to hear His voice and what it is that He wants to tell me in that moment.  Life is a lot more peaceful that way. 

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

Isaiah 26:3