truth #33: lions, tigirillo and root canals, OH MY

And there I was in a face down with Pumba's wife and three kids.  I was in a dilemma as the bathroom lay directly in the middle of our face down.  Yet every move forward I made, she hunkered down as though she thought mauling my shin was the primary objective of her life.  I was on the point of forgoing the much needed facilities when Pumba himself stepped in to call his family over.  I watched as the trotted off together five tails held high in the air.

South Africa, a land full of interesting animals and the site of the 2010 AIDSLink International symposium.   I was invited to this join this symposium about three weeks before it started as the original representative for Latin America confirmed that she could not make it.  Then I found myself starting a almost 2 day journey on the 29th of October.  The meetings were enlightening and very encouraging as we are all trying to combat this pandemic of HIV and AIDS through giving hope and support.  We are hoping to see the presence of AIDSLink growing in Latin America in the coming years.  This is one aspect of the work that I do while in Ecuador.  As I had three days to wait after the end of the symposium to head back to Ecuador, I stayed at the home of one of my friends.  They were extremely kind and hospitable and took me to see many interesting things, like the warthogs pictured above. 

Three days before heading out to South Africa, I headed to the dentist for my first check up and cleaning in two years.  The dentist can be a scary person to many of you but I was confident that a cleaning couldn't be too bad.  Well I sit down in the chair and my dentist starts poking around, next thing I hear after a string of spanish words was a phrase something like this "Well, the only thing left to do is to extract it".  My blood ran cold.  I am pretty sure she saw the terror in my wide eyes because she grabbed my arm reassuringly and said "Not the tooth honey, the root".  My blood only warmed slightly as I realized that the big train bearing down on me spelled out "Root canal" and ten seconds later it had started... If any of you have shared in this wretched experience you probably won't believe me when I say I walked out and hour later a very happy camper.  Yes that is right, happy.  You see I have had a problem with a tooth on the right side of my mouth for over 2 years and for the first time in two years I could actually chew on the right side of my mouth without pain!  I am still adjusting! 

About three days after getting back from South Africa, I headed out on a first time ever Youth weekend with the youth from Santay Island.  We took them to a beach about 2 hours away from their Island and Guayaquil.  As their island is in the middle of a muddy river, this was the first time for them to have seen and swam in the sea.  We also stopped by KFC on the way back, also the first time for many of them to have eaten this fast food.  It was a great weekend, we were able to make some of those fragile yet highly meaningful connections that make youth ministry work. 

My friend Clarice arrived one week later on the 22nd of November.  She went on the line-up trip that Darren and I put together for Zaruma.  Zaruma is a little town on the side of a mountain to the south of Ecuador. We are planning our next medical trip to this town in the first week of March.  We were very impressed with the small church there and the way that the whole community was excited about this upcoming clinic.  There we were introduced to the typical plate of Tigirillo.  This is the name of a small wild cat that lives in Ecuador (Santay Island boasts of having several that kills the chickens and dogs, I even heard a few weeks ago that it killed and ate half a horse!).  But come to find out this typical food is vegetarian!  It is fried egg mixed with cheese and mashed plantain.  It was good!  We arrived back to Guayaquil on Thanksgiving day.  The celebration didn't happen for us though until the weekend.  On Saturday in line with what we did last year, the Americans banned together (with some help from our ecuadorian friends) and put on a full fledged thanksgiving dinner for our OM family.  We had turkey, dressing, hot rolls, salad, fruit salad, green beans, gravy, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie and even cranberry sauce!!  

Five days later, after Clarice returned home (thanks for the visit Clarice!!!) and after another volcano cloud of ash, I flew to Quito for several meetings with pastors and new missionaries that we will be sending out in January.  It was a very fruitful trip and I also did some hunting for a venue to put a HIV conference in May.  We did at one point go off on a 4 hour search to find a Convent that has place for events but only found a house of nuns without options for events...  Though I half desired to join the convent to escape my endlessly busy life, I reluctantly decided not to on the basis of differences of faith.  I returned back to Guayaquil just in time for the start of the holiday season.  Sunday we celebrated Sinterklaas, not to be confused with Santa Claus as Sinterklaas is turkish, claimed by the Spanish yet honored by the Dutch on December the 5th.  We pulled out our wooden shoes... oh wait we didn't actually do that part..  We pulled out the mystery gifts from Sinterklaas and the poems attached.  After everyone opening their gifts we all began to guess our Sinterklaas.  It was a fun event for all of our team.  Soon we will be on to Celebrating Christmas with our families.  I am very excited about this part.  Christ's birth is such a great time to renew hope considering that it was His birth into the world that brought us the long awaited hope.   It will also be nice to see my family...

OH MY!  Yes it has been an incredibly crazy time!  I would say that this part (the OH MY) would represent my just about sinfully crazy schedule.  I must stop!  I am snatching times to read a book by EM Bounds called Power through Prayer.  I want to have that kind of prayer life.  It is hard to do so at times when you are running all the time.  Sometimes I need to just stop and realize that I must take time for my relationship with God, that is what it is all about anyways.  What am I working so hard towards?  Sending missionaries?  Why? So that people can hear about and know God like I do?  But if I am not taking the time for a relationship then how can I preach to people about knowing God?  Ministry is important, yes, but always, remember what it is all about.  Knowing God!

South Africa

http://picasaweb.google.com/tabk219/SouthAfrica?feat=directlink

truth #32: locked in

The day started as normal.  Eyes barely open, a cup of coffee and off to work.  After a brief office meeting, we hear news that the police are demonstrating in Quito (the capital).  They said that the police were going on strike.  Quito felt so far away so I just though, ok Quito.  Then ten minutes later our leader informs us that it isn't just the police in Quito, but the police nation wide decided to go on strike.  I don't know about you but when I think about strikes, I think about factorys, nurses, and construction sites.. not police.  A day without consequences, a day without security.  Four banks were robbed before they could shut down, multiple local businesses looted, vandalism, assaults, murder.. The buses stopped running, the taxis too as they were being robbed right and left.  The streets were left empty, a very eerie calm on the largest city in Ecuador.  We stayed together in the office working on the normal activities while keeping one eye on the news.   In the afternoon we started to get a bit more concerned as all the channels were taken over by the government channel.  The events kept unfolding, the president in the hospital, the hospital being surrounded by angry police, the president rescued.  Was it an attempted coup?  Was it political?  Was it just angry police about their benefits being cut?  Who knows? 

We don't know all of the implications that this event will have on the future of Ecuador but it has brought to light something that we had wanted to put as our prayer focus for October before this even happened.  Violence in Ecuador has been escalating.  And as Ephesians 6:12 says "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places."  We want to combat these occurances with prayer.  We are asking for you during the month of October to pray for the situation of violence in Ecuador, in Guayaquil and in Quito.  Pray for the safety of our team as we travel almost daily in public transportation to our different ministry projects all over the city. 

truth #31: By Faith... they were sawn in two

"By Faith" or "Por Fe" is the motto of one of my friends here in Ecuador, Quicke (pronounced Kee-Kay).  I have thought hard about how to update all of you on my last two months.  So much has happened, so little time to consider it all.  I think that this motto of "by faith" helps to sum it all up.  The summer has been extra busy with four extra short-term helpers and a mission school going on.  We are also in the process of sending four missionaries.  And you would think that a person who has done some of the things that I have done would find this whole idea of living by faith a little easier. 

Maybe it is my perfectionistic tendencies that sometimes make me a bit of a control addict..  Maybe it is my rationalism that quickly adds 2 and 2 which we all know equals 4.. Maybe it is these things that are working together to keep me from seeing or make me doubt how God can work.  What saddens me is that when I am faced with seemingly difficult to impossible situations my first response is "Yes, God can do it" until a little times passes and my doubts set in.  Then it seems that the moment that I give in to my doubts, God opens a door I thought was shut and sealed.  Why am I so easy to lose faith? 

My friend, Quicke, who I mentioned earlier is the last of our four missionaries that we are sending out this August to get his visa.  In fact, as of this very moment he still doesn't have his visa and he needs to be boarding a plane at the latest in 12 days!  He waited a little late to start applying for the visa, it was one and a half months. They wouldn't even give him an appointment at one european consulate until after his leaving date!  So on the off chance that another consulate from another european country would grant him the visa, he went up to the capital, Quito, to try.  We were all praying for him and then we received the call.  "They said that I had all the right papers, only that they couldn't give me the visa, it has to be the first consulate that we went to, the one who wouldn't give me the appointment until after my leaving date".  I was so discouraged, everyone was.  Why did it seem that God who has been leading Quicke for the past 10 years into service with OM would shut the doors at the last moment?  Within two hours I got another call from Quicke.  "Tabitha, you will never guess what happened, the first consulate called me to tell me that I have an appointment with them tomorrow morning!!"  I was ashamed for my doubts.  The next day I was anxiously waiting (last thursday) to hear if he got the visa.  Instead he told me that they asked for more papers and told him to come back the 18th, five days before he had to be leaving Ecuador...  After explain the situation again they agreed to give him an earlier appointment, tomorrow morning at 10:30am, Wednesday the 11th of August, twelve days before he needs to leave.  So once again I am torn with the fear that they will deny his visa or keep asking for more papers until it is impossible for him to go.  But it cannot be, we know that this is where God is leading, we know that He can open impossible doors.  Another friend who knows Quicke well said to me, "Tabitha, Quicke has always said about situations, 'por fe' now it is time that God is testing that faith". 

I have been thinking hard on the subject of faith now for some weeks.  In doing so I have read Hebrews 11.  Verse one says "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."  In parts of this chapter good things come to those who are living by faith, and to other some pretty bad things, like being sawn in two.  So what does faith mean?  That if we pray for something and have faith that God will give us what we want?  That isn't faith.  Faith is putting every hope we have in the very character of who God is.  It is believing with everything that we have what He tells us and holding to it, obeying it, no matter how silly it might seems like building a big boat in the middle of dry land before cranes and semi-trucks.  I want faith like that but I still think a little part of me is scared of it. 

Please pray for Quicke today, for peace, the right words, and for a visa because at this point the visa would be a miracle. 

Quicke

truth #30: Kidnapped and still I hope

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.  For momentary, light affliction is producing for us and eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison..

2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Monday morning comes around again just as is has every week this year.  Our team met together to study 2 Corinthians 4.  It was my turn to lead the devotional, we talked about the physical dangers and trials that Paul and his companions faced.  It amazes me how a man who was shipwrecked twice, beaten, mocked, insulted, and suffered much could call it all "momentary, light affliction".  Little did we know what would happen in the next 36 hours. 

Darren (South African) had his birthday last week but as a group of us were in Saraguro again we had been unable to celebrate together.  He invited everyone to go eat with him at a nice restaurant in a nearby neighborhood.  Seventeen of us ate and laughed together until all the food was gone and we were all stuffed!  It was a great time of fellowship.  As we left the restaurant we realized that the 17 of us would not fit into the three available cars.  So after a moments discussion the remaining eight divided up.  We girls sent the three guys in a taxi and we went with our friend in his car.  I felt bad that they would have to pay and almost asked one to change with me but then decided not to.  We arrived at my apartment to watch a movie together and after about 30 we realized that the three guys who took the taxi were not yet at my apartment.  Darren, Michael (the married Dutch guy) and our Ecuadorian friend Christian were still gone.  I called Darren.  No answer.  I called Christian.  After two rings a man answered in rapid Spanish saying that he was busy and would call me back.  I thought that was strange.  So I called Darren again.  The same man answered saying the same thing.  The voice was not from any of the guys.  I began to realize that something was very wrong.  Michael's wife Anneke also realized that something was wrong and became very worried.  After another hour, many phone calls, and three cars out searching the neighborhoods, we got news from the police.  Yes, the guys were fine, and yes they had been victims of what is called 'express kidnapping'.  Their taxi driver was friends with other guys with guns.  He drove the three unsuspecting guys to a street with few cars and another taxi blocked their way.  Two gunmen entered the car with our friends, putting a gun to Michael's side and to Darren's head.  They were robbed of everything, Michael's six dollars, watches, eye glasses, cellphones and Darren's ATM card.  They demanded his PIN number and then drove to an ATM to make sure it worked.  They took out several hundred dollars.  After driving them around for a while longer they stopped and told the guys to get out of the car.  They got out and ran like crazy until they found a police officer.  They returned unharmed but a bit shaken.  We were all a bit shaken. 

Tuesday morning we left to visit the Children's hospital.  This has always been a hard ministry as we see very sick children, some terminal and hear their situations.  This day was difficult for me.  I saw as I passed the first room a little boy, Kevin.  He was the very first kid that I talked with when I first came to the hospital in February.  He has not been in the hospital all this time but has come, gone and come again.  I asked one of the workers what was his story as this seven year old with arms and legs just skin and bones and a bloated stomach, didn't talk much, despite of his beautiful smile.  She told me "ah yes Kevin.  His father died, his mother has basically abandoned him and he lives with his aunt.  She doesn't take very good care of him and doesn't give him his meds on time that is why he is getting worse and has to return to the hospital.  Kevin has a brain tumor and it is effecting one of his eyes now too.  He is also HIV+."  This precious kid who is just seven years old is "decaying", he is being robbed of life.  I don't know if he is being renewed spiritually but that is why we go and keep going. 

These days I am faced with how little hope this world offers.  It preaches health and safety and how these things will bring you hope.  But they don't, because they can be taken away, in an instant or over many years.  It is not my intention to do things stupidly, we will all take more care in choosing taxi's, however, my hope and my trust is in the God, the I AM, the Creator.  I don't know what will happen tomorrow, but it doesn't matter because I will choose to live today with my trust in God and my eyes fixed on Christ.   Wherever He leads I will go. 

truth #29: The angel and the demon

The last evening of our adventures in Saraguro, we took a little trip South of town.  Darren and I went to visit Angelita, the sister-in-law of one of the church members.  Angelita is a wife, mother, and grandmother.  When we arrived the young grandchildren were playing and laughing all around the porch.  She greeted us with a huge smile and absently waved the grandkids aside as she set out the two chairs for us to sit down.  As we started to talk with her it became obvious that she just considered us as kids.  "Now marriage, you shouldn't believe what everyone makes that out to be! It isn't rainbows and butterflies."  She had a very cynical view of marriage as her many years had only brought her pain.  He husband was a drunk and always came home in the same state.  Any time we tried to break in she would begin again on another diatribe.  Then her face froze, she whispered almost to herself "he is yelling".  Then she said softly to us, "my husband is coming home and from his yelling I can tell that he is drunk."  She jumped up and began shooing the grandkids into a back room, ordering them to hide.  I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable so I asked if we should leave.  She said "No, don't worry."  So we just waited as the yelling got closer, conversation was pointless as we could focus on nothing else.  Darren then asked me quietly if I would switch seats with him as my seat was next to the entrance and his was a little further back.  I complied and then the husband arrived.  He was yelling all sorts of curse words in Spanish, I knew a few as those are not on my vocabulary list! Then as he reeled into the entrance he caught sight of Darren.  He yelled "He PUSHED me!" and then began to pummel Darren with drunken blows.  We were a bit in shock over what was happening but Darren only calmly raised his forearm to protect himself from the blows.  It was a trick that he was taught from his previous roommate from the Netherlands who had been a police officer.  Angelita jumped at her husband and her two daughters came out to help.  The wrestled him to the stairs where he slowly quit yelling.  They then shoved him up the stairs the whole time telling him to be quiet and just go to sleep.  During this part the kids came out again, very subdued.  We smiled reassuringly and shared the gospel to them through the Evangecube.  Darren also explained to the kids how to best protect themselves if the drunken man tried to hit them. 
When Angelita came back and sat down with us she was also very subdued.  She quit trying to deflect our questions as I shared with her how special are the children of God.  How those who are His children are princes and princesses and that He cares for them.  She listened quietly, soaking in our words. We prayed with her before we left.  She prayed to give control of her life to Christ.  God used such a horrible situation to open her ears and eyes to see God's love for her. 

truth #28: God heals

OM Ecuador planned its first medical mission trip to Saraguro, Ecuador and completed it this last week.  There are four people missing from this photo to make a total of 29 people who were on our team.  10 people from the USA, 1 Colombian, 1 South African, 2 Dutchies, and 15 lovely Ecuadorians.  We worked with a local church in Saraguro and many of them helped us during the clinic as well.  Starting April 18th at 3:30pm our clinic officially began.  We had two general doctors, an OB/GYN and a vision center.  All the meds and glasses that we gave out (including the consulting) was absolutely free to the people that came.  The clinic continued for the complete days of Monday-Thursday.  We saw 766 people in the medical side of things and 830 eyes in the Vision clinic (ok, ok that would be 415 people..).  Everyone worked insanely hard and put everything in their work.  I would ask any one of them (and probably will!) to come back on another trip! So here is a thanks to EVERYONE!!!

Our team in Ecuador had been specifically praying for Saraguro for over two months now and specifically asking that God would open doors in Saraguro.  This people group has a tiny percentage of Christians and is notorious for being very closed to the gospel.  They are strongly catholic but with a mixed animistic beliefs.  There is a lot of witchcraft that also goes on there.  OM Ecuador has done past campaigns there but with little response from the people.  So we knew what we were facing and that is why we all went down on our knees.  God is greater than any any evil, He can break any chain and HE can even speak to hearts that have been cold and hard for centuries.  That happened this week.  Lives changed, people who were hardened and bitter became soft and full of hope.  We did a 'normal' evangelistical message for each group of people that came though, asking for a response at the end.  To the best of my knowledge there was not one response to these mass messages, not one.  Instead people were responding one-on-one, praying with the workers in triage, or Enrique who was sitting in the Pharamacy, or Dr. Eddie who was a general doctor, or Dr. Ana the ob/gyn as she saw through to the pain that was deeper than flesh and blood.  God who is so mighty choose to speak to each person through an individual and 205 of the Saraguro people responded to His message of hope!!!  I am overwhelmed to share that with you, the HUGE response that we received for the countless prayers for this precious people.  We asked God for 200 and He gave five more!  I thought it was too much to ask but we asked anyways knowing that the God we serve is bigger than any evil and any plan of the evil one.  A people who have been locked in darkness for hundreds of years, opened their hearts to hope, to peace and to real love.

Please join us in praying for these new believers and for the local churches as they will start follow-up this week.  We have a responsibility to these people who we now call brothers and sisters and it is not one that we can take lightly.  Praise God for His work, stand in awe of it. He is God   

truth #27: love your neighbor... and his dog

Rrrauuggraugraugraug raug....  Better than the roosters crow, the next door neighbor's dog sounds the wake up call.  Unfortunately this alarm doesn't have a snooze button.  I cannot count the numerous times I have laid in my bed thinking up ways to murder the dog that lives under my second story bedroom window.  Crossbow with flaming arrows, poisoned meat, a half ton of sleeping pills... my bare hands...  This isn't just any breed of dog, it has been born with built in loud speakers and a barking switch that doesn't turn off until a full 20 minutes has been reached and can go off at any given moment.  Skype conversations have been interrupted because they cannot hear me above the dog.  My boss who lives across the street tells me that they can hear this little beast of horror.  The time that I went to my next door neighbors house to ask if they would make the dog be quiet because I had a terrible migraine... the kind neighbor-lady gave me a headache pill and sympathized with how annoying the creature was with his endless barking. 

Then last week, after nine months of living next to this sleep stealer, I was sitting on my bed reading my bible and off he went.. Raaauug raugraug raugraugraug.. Murderous thoughts once again began to build in my yet-coffee-deprived brain, when through the racket God spoke to me, -Love your neighbor Tabitha.  
-WHAT?  You have got to be kidding God!  I do love my neighbors, look at the work that I am doing with the orphans, kids in the hospital, giving of myself every day!  This barking dog is an injustice, it is inconsiderate and just plain rude! 
Then even softer, "Tabitha, love your neighbor, this neighbor."

Love cannot pick and choose.  I cannot say that I love but only love those who are easy to love.  This neighbor and their dog is an allegory for me.  I cannot say that I love my neighbor and hate his dog, because really hating his dog means I think things towards my neighbor like "What idiot gets and dog and never trains it", basically very uncharitable and leads to hating my neighbor.  It is the same with the people I am around who have annoying traits or are doing things that hurt me.  It means not just loving the kids in the orphanage and hospital but going out and giving soup to the fathers who live on the streets in a life of alcohol and drugs.

Just last Thursday evening we were out serving soup when four young girls approached the car with the soup taking the bowls and bread that we offered.  I was standing near and started up a conversation with them.  We talked about where they lived and what they were up to, just the basics, when one of the little girls leans in to say softly to me "You do know that you are giving soup to theives? Everyone here is a thief."  I just smiled slightly as I began to explain to her that we all have bad things in our lives but the beauty of it all is that no one is soo bad that God cannot love them, like a little girl who doesn't always obey her mom or a drug addict throwing his family to the side or even a neighbor with a really annoying dog.

truth #26: Addictions

On Valentines weekend, Sharon and I went to a Christian camp for young people as the following Monday and Tuesday were a holiday (Carnival).  This was the first time in eight years that I have attended a camp as a participant!   There was also another first that I had during this camp... the first time to play futbol in 20 years.  I played at age six on a little kids league.  I haven't played since.  The girls in my cabin talked me into being on their team even though I told them I had not played in years.  Once on the field I find that they are putting me in the forward position (whatever it is that they call that position these days).  Whew!  I had a chest cold and we were in Quito which is for me going from 5ft altitude in Guayaquil to 10,000ft...  Our team lost but during this feat I learned something about byself.  I like futbol!  A lot!  New addiction!  I also made many new friends and contacts.  One great friend who I met up with again and was reminded how much I enjoy her company is Candy.

Next.. My 26th Birthday

This year I decided to go all out, well all out for me, and have a real birthday party.  I invited lots and lots of people and still missed a few with the instructions of bringing a plant if they wanted to bring a birthday gift.  You might ask where this desire for plants comes from.  Some might say my Dad who is the expert of all green living things or the lack of green that we have in my concrete world of Guayaquil but honestly I don't know.  On my trip to Saraguro the two weeks before I picked up to rose bushes and another flower that I don't know the species.  It was during this short time that I realized I actually enjoyed having plants around.  I like talking to them, watering them and even talking to them by name.  Yes, all my plants have names.  You might think that is silly so did most people who brought me a plant but by the end of the night everyone was wanting to know the name of the newest arrival!  In this picture you see me with Michael and Anneke Bolt and their beautiful gift. Her name is Rebecca.  And the other picture with Sharon and I is our 'christmas' present from Isabel.  He/she does not yet have a name though we are all calling him/her by a different one.  Those names include Ursela, Henry and Kevin. 

I of course still have other addicitions like coffee, reading and vegetables but it is nice to find new things to like as well!  God has been so good to me during my 26 years of life, I have been blessed by the family that I have, true friends and the blessing of getting to know so many different believers from all over the world!  I am excited to see what this new year of life will bring around!  To God be the Glory!

truth #25: On your mark, get set, GO!

February 5 - 7

I have never understood the inner workings of the set up of a short-term mission trip until now.  Budgets, options, legal issues, where, what, who, when and how..  After putting together the basic line up of what will happen April 17 -24 on the OM Medicial Mission trip to Saraguro, we decided to make a visit to the town to pull together the final details.  

Roberto, Cira, Michael, Anneke and I  took a flying trip to Saraguro on Friday the 5th of February.   We looked at hotels, talked in-depth with the pastor of one of the two evangelical churches for 15,000 of the Saraguro community and began finalizing things.  The Church Light and Truth is very exciting about the fast approaching trip and the practial ministry opportunity that this will provide them for their community.  We are still looking for volunteers from the USA to come and partner with us.  If you are in the medical field and would like to help pray about coming.  If you are not medical at all... NO WORRIES!  We also need you!  There are many jobs that need to be done on a medical trip and as long as you are willing and flexible then you are perfect for the job!  Please contact my uncle, Dr. Eddie Moore - eddie_moore@yahoo.com , for more details and you will need to go to this website to fill out an application  http://www..omusa.org/go/medical-missions/short-term-trips.  It would be great to see you!

 

The Church Light and Truth 

Pastor Miguel and Michael

Saraguro

Just a sighting of Llamas on the way to Saraguro.

truth #24: I am my own worst enemy

For some reason, I had thought that looking to Jesus was a one time deal, now I am more convinced than ever that looking to Jesus only makes us look more.  It seems that I could almost feel proud of my accomplishments this week, the way that I looked to Jesus in a very frustrating situation instead of letting the situation take over me.  Instead I find that my knuckles are still white with my grip to Him, my eyes so dry because I am afraid to blink, because if I do then maybe I will fall again. Oh how easy it is to fall.  This week has been fascinating in a practice of what I talked about last week, looking to Jesus. 

There are 60 seconds in each minute with 60 minutes in each hour with 24 hours in each day and 7 days in one week..  That makes for a lot of choices in just one little week.  So, I would like to refer this conversation to a specific event that occurred this week.  Most of you who know me well, understand that I am an independent person, stubborn at times, and in a word a somewhat strong personality.  My grandfather used to say that I could argue with a fence post, which has gotten better over the years.  Also, I HATE it when something is done unfairly, to me or to others.  YES mom, I do realize that this world is not fair!  (a quote that I heard daily during my teenage years)  It is thus in my nature to fight against those injustices whither it be by educating poor children or playing by the rules in a board game..  And though I do realize that there are exceptions to the rule, for the most part, these things are like rubbing a cats fur the wrong direction to me.  I have a friend who has an unfortunate habit of saying things that irritate me.  One of such occurances happened during this week and I must be honest and confess that my initial reaction was not good, I was angry at the rudeness of the statement made by my friend.  Then I heard that small voice asking me "Why are you so angry?"  then I recognized that it was not anger but rather hurt.  I was deeply hurt that this person would treat me in such a manner.  So I asked God an either/or question, should I do this or that?  He simply told me to pray.  Pray for my friend, not that they would see 'the light', not that God would fix them but instead to pray blessings, protection, wisdom, peace and joy over them.  The hurt began to fade, forgiveness and healing were possible.  Was I able to do this myself?  HA, not at all, like I said previously, my eyes are still dry because I am afraid of blinking and falling away. 


Maybe this all seem childish to you, maybe you don't have the same struggles as I do, but I must admit it was the way that God so clearly showed me 'my way' vs 'His way' that was of importance and not so much the event.  Because, it is when I surrender that He holds me, when peace comes, and when it all works out. I am sure that there is a way to look to Jesus and still be able to blink but I have to admit that I still don't trust myself. You see I realize that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to looking at Jesus. I am struggling against my selfish reactions and desires, my independence, my idea of justice.  I am struggling against me.  As long as my eyes are on Him my 'self' has no power.  So if I have to go through this life with dry eyes and cramped hands then so be it, as communion with Him is worth every second.   And do I fall?  Do I mess up?  Of course, but as I said previously He tells me to look to Him and not at what I have done, bad or good. 

"But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  More than that I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ."  Philippians 3:7-8

truth #23: less of me is better

Many of you know that shortly after arriving back in Texas on the 19th of December a surprising event occurred. Early in the morning of the 21st, I was in the hospital having an emergency laparoscopic appendectomy after a night full of the worst stomach pains I have had in my life. This event led to a lot of firsts in my life...

-being a patient in the ER
-having morphine
-wearing one of those airy hospital gowns for more than 30 min
-having surgery
-eating hospital food
-having to politely call someone to take me to the bathroom every 3 hours
-having a panic attack.. silly I know
-staying overnight in a hospital
-having saline solution pushed through my dry IV... OUCH
-being in public with my pant unbuttoned on purpose

It was a very interesting week before Christmas let me tell you! I passed that whole week under the influence of prescription drugs so my Christmas day was a little hazy. When people kept pointing out how often they caught me with my eyes closed, I just simply said "I'm awake! and just resting my eyes!" They didn't tend to believe me. My parents took great care of me and I will forever be grateful that they insisted that I go to the ER. So many friends and family have mentioned how good it was that the whole thing happened after I got back home instead of in Ecuador. That made me start to think about things a little more closely. I realized that if this had all happened 48 hours earlier, I would not have gone to the hospital, at least not until my appendix had burst. That could have been very dangerous and possibly deadly. And this whole thing happened at the beginning of my trip giving me two weeks to recover before I flew back. Also, Seth from OM Ecuador was back home in Georgia with Lennart and they were returning to Guayaquil on the same flight as me. Meaning that they helped me with my bags as I am under strict orders not to lift anything over 15 pounds.

I am two days from the three week mark and have only three more weeks of careful living until I go back to normal. I am doing much better and healing fine. This whole situation really helped me to see once again how God is orchestrating everything in my life even when I don't see it at first.  Thank you for your prayers as I know and see that God is answering them!

When I titled this post as 'less of me is better' I was just thinking in the sense that I am now better off without my appendix as it was giving me all that trouble.  However, this also ties into what God has been teaching me lately.  I have found my self very frustrated over the last few months with my own self, work and others.  I had been praying about the situations so much and it felt like so little was happening.  It wasn't until I was sitting in the airport on my way home and writing in my journal when I began to realize that my mindset was wrong and thus my prayers were also in a sense wrong.  I had been praying so hard for God to fix things, to give me the strength to fix things to do, and fix, and about every other active verb you can think of when the only thing that He desired for me to do was to look at Him, not at me and not at my problems.  It sounds so simple, just focus on Jesus and everything will work out.  But what does that mean, to focus on Jesus?  I am still figure that one out.  But I am learning as fast as this stubborn person can, that my job isn't to fix everything in life but to look to Him and He will show my in His time whatever it is that He wants me to work on.  It isn't and easy thing for me to learn and I am spending everyday seeking to hear His voice and what it is that He wants to tell me in that moment.  Life is a lot more peaceful that way. 

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

Isaiah 26:3